yes lah.

im feeling tons better alr.

though i woke up with a bad temper. and whole body feeling nua.

the day was good.

went school first. reached at approximately. 2pm?

yea. and it ended at 3pm.

weeeeeeeee.

then went to co-op to fetch a drink.

while waiting for some dumb woman to come meet me.

then bumped into weilin. EH SISTA.

why u cut ur fringe sia =/.

i swear u look like a lil girl now.

though my hairstyle is nowhere better.

HAHAHAHA.

anyway. met meiyi for movie.

been long since i last saw her.

caught Wanted with her.

not a bad movie. but. not a great one either.

the action is good. the plot is not bad.

but overall, it was a nice day.

NOTE: meiyi and i are both having sore throat.

then. we damn smart. go eat kfc for dinner.

pat says: eh, kfc lah?

meiyi says: i sibei anything one.(anything is her way to go)

then after kfc. i swear meiyi's foot bottom is white.

pat says: eh. library ba. we go there slack and talk.

meiyi says: anything. (again)

after walking like 10 steps out of JP.

yes people. it begun raining.

*looks at meiyi*

so, we were basically stuck at some construction shelter.

though we were both enjoying the breeze and all.

we were stuck in the middle of nowhere.

-.- so in the end, we went to take a bus home instead.

on the way, however.

pat says: eh, whats ur fav pasa malam food?

meiyi says: ehhh, its long long one. fish one. malays sell it. (hand gestures)

i swear, im gonna make fun of u all my life with that.

then after settling down in the park for awhile.

and talking. i sent her home. and walked home

but now that im home. my fever is back.

its funny that when i am out, i actually feel alot better.

oh yes btw. JEAN. u witch!

mine is not tonsils lah. stop scaring me.

and wtf is tonsils must go operation.

once again, dun scare me.

mine is only flu+sore throat lah.

so nice of u to pop in the conversation about illness.

love u deep deep. and btw. when are u getting married?

im waiting for the friggin invitation card.

many loves to u. may ur life be the way it is now forever.

really.

argh.

im dying. literally.

tmd. my throat hurts. whenever i swallow saliva.

the headache's gone. but i just figured theres some phelgm in my nose.

wtf.

i cant breathe properly. neither can i sneeze the shit out.

so basically, im a talking dead.

funny thing is. this morning i still went to the pool.

-.- and the weird thing is. i felt better after tanning for awhile.

my throat cleared. my nose was 'unstuck' (if theres such a word.)

thanks for showing concern, people.

you know who you are. XD

btw. ive totally lost my heart in the 'friends' i have made.

alot of things have happened last night.

and basically. they're the reason for it.

and most probably. the reason im down with sickness.

fuck.

im dying from this pain.

i dno why but my whole body is in pain.

the voices in my head.

HELLO PPL! im home. from chalet.

yes. im down with flu, sore throat and a headache.

yeap. yesterday was tons of fun.

ehhhh where should i start.

went class at 10.30am. then quarrelled with my lab teacher.

LOL. yes literally quarrelled. cause i lazy do lab. then she keep forcing me.

but its ok. i still completed it. then i went for lunch with raymond+camen.

calvin ah. stop smoking so much. its bad for ur health.

went to alumni's gym at 1.30pm. all the way till 4pm.

do i really look that gay? wtf lah. another dude just kept looking at me again.

no, i dont have something in my hair. no, i dont have anything on my face.

so basically just chionged all the way till 4pm. because.

i was meeting joe at 5pm. then inbetween i really had nothing to do.

the swimming pool is so cool lah. im gonna tan there the next time.

sigh. felt alittle lonely for awhile. because nobody went with me.

calvin was lazy. he said he had work.

but im going on monday again. maybe with terence.

then went to see baracuda's performance at the atrium with joe.

i found it quite cool lah. wah lao. why did i join skating T.T

then set off for the chalet. at 5.30pm or smth.

on the train. i swear. at city hall terence boarded.

cause joe and me were on the side where the door opens at city hall.

cause can sit down on the floor mah. my whole body was aching.

then as i got up and stand for ppl to board.

there were these 2 girls. sibei young i swear.

they just happy happy sit down at the place i sat.

KNN.

i was falling asleep alr lah. and the lj girls just took the floor.

then i made joe get up, so that i could sit and sleep again.

description of the girls. sibei young. one of them had a bull's ring on her nose.

i swear. just pull it and she'll follow u wherever u go.

then they just happy happy make so much noise while i tried to sleep.

terence was like. EHHHH MY TYPE.

lj lah u horny freak. u like little girls right? havoc type somemore.

then reach pasir ris.

was standing somewhere with joe while terence went off to get drinks.

then i begun hearing 3 malay ppl talking.

i heard words like is he gay. taking off shirt shit.

they were speaking in melayu. i think thats what they call it.

that made me stare at them for awhile. 1 guy. 2 girls.

and they kept looking at me. pcb.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMELIA.

though it should officially be on 1st of July.

and i couldnt get u a present on such short notice.

so -.-' a packet of marlboro reds still made u happy anyway.

she bought food for friggin 60 ppl. 60 ppl guys.

and only like 20+ 30 arrive.

so u can imagine lah. where the rest of the food go to.

nothing much really happened.

i mingled with some of the sec sch bunch.

i swear, people i thought i'd never talk to.

cause they're abit. ah beng lah. -.- dun whack me please. if u reading this.

HAHAHAHA. i really had fun talking to them.

i dunno why. they're not so bad afterall.

then amelia's other friends arrived.

she had this friend. who tried to cook. and we all begun to laugh.

she just tossed all the sausages onto the bbq pit.

then 5 sticks of satay. then started rolling the sausages around.

she calls that cooking. bbq.

reminded me of someone for awhile. HAHAHA.

i was literally tired. like very.

at like what. 10.30pm?

then they started drinking. most of them left already though.

only leave me and like 6 other people.

jeremy, me, amelia, joe, kenny, kenny's friend, deborah.

had fun drinking jack daniel's.

really lah really. though it really is cockroach syrup.

but. no complains. it tasted ok once ur tongue got numb.

it took me 2 cups to feel high. cause i was sleepy and tired alr.

then i just kept drinking and drinking.

then i begun counting cards for them. (again).

eh but they all say damn accurate lah, i can go bugis open table alr.

im more accurate when im slightly high lah.

because even things that shouldnt be said, i would say.

i helped amelia and kenny though. they're a couple.

and something is gonna come up. which kenny knows.

but amelia begun hating me, cause i wouldnt tell her.

the problem was on her side. and its kenny's decision this time.

so basically, i taught him the solution. and told him what amelia really thinks.

which means. if i solved the problem for them. i would get the punishment in their place.

it works that way. -.- but its fine. i was happy helping them.

contented maybe. because. i wouldnt wanna see them end up like me.

went up, was wasted on the bed. i didnt puke though.

considering how much i drank.

then hugged joe to sleep. HAHAHAHA.

sorry lah brother. sacrifice.

then came home early in the morning on the cab. with joe and jeremy.

im having weird dreams nowadays.

and im praying that everything would be ok.

i ssim uoy, dna i yllaer evol uoy. tub uoy dluow reven wonk.

omgzxzxz worxzxzx.

eh. skating was fun.

HAHAHA.

yes. the pandas were there. at least.

though i didnt get to mingle with all of them.

weilin~ ulfred~ XD pak tor liao ah? HAHAHAHA.

yes i know you wanna kill me, girl.

but then again, shhhh. i promise u, i wont tell your brother.

HAHAHAHA.

eh. btw. the fried oyster egg at bukit timah market sucks.

dont try it. dont. trust me. unless u want a mouth full of chewy stuff.

anyways. skating was alright, we tried to do a dragon.

stupid jasper made me lead. fug lah. u want me to die of exhaustion issit.

maxine~ dont so emo leh. though i know u working towards ur target.

HAHAHAHA. and no, i did see you.

sookyi~ ur pie was a disappointment.

swear. i asked for black pepper beef pie.

u gave me beef pie.

no wonder i was thinking why no black pepper.

and. its kinda small. for $2.

and. i wanna tell u. i can cook better than that.

HAHAHAHA.

gonna head for gym tomorrow. then off to chalet.

was just informed to go to a chalet.

amelia's birthday is tomorrow.

and joe's bringing his 1 litre of Jack Daniels.

shhh. he kept it since his bdae. the chalet where we got high.

im gonna go there. and drink at least 1/2 the bottle.

or else im not touching alcohol at all.

though i prefer the first option. -.-v

though i think, amelia would be supplying the alcohol.

there really isnt much need to bring urs, joe.

nobody fancies cockroach syrup. HAHAHAHA.

but, just incase lah. and i'll be clinging on to that bottle for the night.

though, the big deal is. it ends on saturday morning.

which means, im gonna smell of alcohol in the mrt home.

sucks. but oh well, i still have swimming to look forward to.

so tomorrow is gonna be a hell of a long day.

and im going msia soon, for a trip.

to a cave. sounds wrong but yea. to a cave.

adventure lah adventure.

had a long chat with my parents tonight.

i found out alot about my childhood.

though. in a way, its good and bad.

good, for ghost story telling.

bad, because i used to have such a past.

and the strange thing is. i dont really remember anything.

only vague impressions.

today as they were talking to me, i realised i came a long way.

then now as i look back, really. alot of roads i have taken.

i didnt know i was that bad when i was young. swear.

ghost story telling anyone? XD

im full of stories to share. really.

as for now, good night.

and wish me a safe night tomorrow.

because, im gonna try to get really dead drunk.

not just high, but yea. drunk.

muahahahaha.

eh. class sucks.

but somehow, i feel happy. i dunno why.

i can see my friends around. still.

and i just figured out that i love them dearly.

there were messages of concern.

amusing. i only called her because i was out with calvin.

and i was bored. so was wondering if she wanted to come have dinner with us.

then after that was a bombardment of sms-es. with questions like.

are u ok? blah blah blah.

thanks really. those made my day.

and right now, im chatting with peiyi. -.-

that dumb girl is still at home. in her aircon room.

on her bed. thanks.

i needed that =.= u sarcastic woman.

anyway, im having labs right now.

then im thinking if in the future, everything would be alright.

everything would be.

because im somehow contented.

no matter what! ive got to enjoy life while i can.

and i just found out why my mother cried.

so, everything will be alright.

i hope. at least.

anyways, skating later. XD

gonna go rounds with calvin.

and hopefully, the pandas would be there.

-.- i know u lazy buggers are reading this.

come for the friggin CCA lah. dun complain its boring.

i pei u =D

eh and smth just happened in class.

teacher says: let me see your lab one *to my friend*

dongdong agitated. says: EH?! must bring meh?! but i show u alr?!

teacher says: no, u dont have to bring. u so angry for what? *smiles*

dongdong says: eh!? but i really got show u!?

teacher says: -.-' got show can alr lah. relax.

dongdong asks teacher: want some almonds? *takes out the pack*

teacher says: dont wan. later u angry.

nabei.

HOHOHO.

yes lah im home. XD

had a good day.

went to SIM for gyming with egg and calvin. again.

-.- that place really no people sia. im gonna sign for the fuggin membership.

the swimming pool there is damn cool lah i swear.

u look like u're gonna fall down like anytime.

theres no barrier. -.-' and it somehow looks like u'll fall down the slope.

then went for dinner with calvin at SIM canteen.

its the 4th time i've been there.

imagine. 3 years+ alr and only been there 4 times.

btw guys! sookyi has a stall at NP Convention Centre underpass there tml.

she's selling pies. black pepper chicken pie, etc.

please go there yes? she's only got 100 in stock.

and its only $2 each. im going anyway. XD

she informed me yest.

i got her to book one for me alr.

sooo, ive got skating to look forward to tomorrow.

and i still havent caught zohan.

just because someone's fuggin sick. =.=

take care yes?

ps. someone just told me.

i have the magical power to make people comfortable around me.

-.- issit true?

im just standing here.

im reading back on the posts in the past.

it made me smile. really simply.

its funny. when its so hard to decide.

because.

i cant move on. i dont want to.

yet.

she seems to want me to.

tell me.

what would u do. if u knew she was getting hurt.

and the reason was u?

what would u do?

should u give up?

or should u stay on?

im choosing to stay on. yet she doesnt see that.

all she has to do. is tell me. dont leave me.

and i'd just continue to stay here.

me? falling in love with another girl?

please. think twice. what i had told u in the past.

and what i had fucking meant.

u saw it with your own eyes. what i would do.

just to be with you. just to make you happy.

all u had to do, was ask.

i was with u through the past.

i am still with you into the future.

but u said u're tired.

what do i do now?

above is a song. of what im feeling.

as again.

fuck u lah jaychou. stop writing emo songs.

the gym day.

woke up at 10.30am. thanks to my parents' calls.

ehhhh. arrived at school at 1.30pm.

HAHAHAHA. say i zai lah quick.

but i still took the attendance. and the class was.. empty.

omfg. why did i even bother to go.

was sitting in class stoning with a couple of the classmates.

then i borrowed one of their mp3.

and it had a couple of songs i always sang.

so begun listening. -.- then.

i didnt realise something. while i was listening. thoughts ran wild.

then i actually started singing in class.

note: i had both the earpieces on.

so i didnt really know. until my fren tapped me on the shoulder.

u sing well sia. but. teacher looking at u.

ok that shut me up and made me hide my face on the table.

realised i had my student card still somewhere at BA office.

then i started sms-ing people.

egg, raymond, calvin, joe, camen, jassen. xander. u name it.

and the only 2 people i know studying at business school is.

brenda. and weilin.

camen is at the market with hudson and the rest. eating.

joe is at home, most prob cuddling his girlfriend. bless him.

raymond is going out soon, lesson ends at 3. same time as me.

calvin ends at 5. he cant accompany me to BA office.

jassen isnt in school.

xander's lesson ended at 12. and his home.

so, forced weilin to go with me. -.- literally forced.

cause i felt weird. doing stuff on my own.

and being alone. well. u'll get alot of alone thoughts.

went up to the office, got the card.

went to canteen 1 to have something to eat.

then waited for calvin, cause that dude ends at 5.

and im going to gym with him.

so slacked with weilin at library.

as i had nth to do, i read the cards for her.

was supposed to do it for tryphena. but she last minute. zz.

yay. true again. only she would know though.

but everytime i tell her of a specific person. she says she know who.

bless you lah. u've had a tough relationship going.

ulfred ah ulfred. u need to buck up abit. -.-

and she begun telling me about her ex.

enduring 2 years of hardship caused by her parents.

and in the end, only a sour relationship with her ex bf.

he actually ran off with another girl. fucker.

nth i could do about though.

just asked her to pick her next one carefully.

then met up with calvin. to head to alumni's gym at first.

but the entrance for guest is $5.

ouch. so we changed to CCK gym instead.

i swear. my first time in a gym.

im amazed lah amazed. and now.

my arms, chest and stomach is aching.

fuck u calvin.

anyway. there are alot of funny people in the gym.

-.-' really funny.

there is one. who raises weight. and moans each time he reaches the top.

and one uncle. i swear. we were queuing for the situp machine.

that dude happily waste his time. by doing 10kg. and not really sitting up.

i mean. he looks like he is jerking off on the machine.

then after he was done. like 10 mins later.

he did smth funny. that made me ring the whole gym with laughter.

ehhh. he held each end of the towel with his hand.

placed it around himself behind, and below his armpit.

and started rubbing it left and right.

i think. he thought. that was some kind of exercise oso.

then now im home. after a long ride of 187.

just sitting by that window. listening to songs on my phone.

over and over. and just dazing.

funny. i thought i've recovered.

still. i hadnt wanted to.. but its ok.

i saw that wall around her today. she's happy.

rachel just talked to me -.-'

Rachel - *kicks* my new hobby says:
pardon me for saying this
Rachel - *kicks* my new hobby says:
but both u and her keeps thinking both of u are going on fine
Rachel - *kicks* my new hobby says:
u think she's happy
Rachel - *kicks* my new hobby says:
she thinks u're happy
Rachel - *kicks* my new hobby says:
u think she's happy with her frens
.moonchild. says:
hmm
Rachel - *kicks* my new hobby says:
she thinks u're happy with ur frens
Rachel - *kicks* my new hobby says:
thats what i see

i dont know if it made sense.

but no. im not happy.

and all i want to do. is be with her.

and right now. im reading the ms word doc. she sent me on 14th april.

frankly. my life has been a joke.

until she appeared.

now that she's gone. its back to a joke.

weeee.

Lets101 - Free Online Dating

omg lah.

yes. woke up at 8.30am today.

to head out with my family. -.-' to see some guru.

i swear. she's more like a psychiatrist.

she lives in a house somewhere near Holland V.

her house is VERY comfortable i swear.

quiet, peaceful.

she can tell your character, future by touching ur hand/bone structure.

i was very tired lah. so damn lazy to style my hair. slept at 5am.

so i wore the beanie. and headed off with my dad, mum and bro.

my mum went first, cause she was the eldest.

and we were forbidden to hear.

but after the conversation with the lady, my mum actually cried.

amazingggggg. -.- she made my mother cry.

dongdong says: EH WHY U CRY?!

mum says: she really is 1 needle poke heart.

dongdong says: everything she said is true?

mum says: yeap.

though she didnt tell me what the lady told her.

but i was sure, it wasnt good news.

next was my brother.

he had loads of good news. swear.

the lady told him that he would get engaged during october.

and get married in 2010.

he would own a car, a house. all by himself.

looking at him now, i really cant consider those odds. LOL.

really sia. just yesterday i remember myself in pri sch, he in poly.

and today. they're all getting married.

both my brother and my sister.

then next up, was me.

i swear. to god. i was smiling the whole time. and laughing with my parents.

but when i sat down.

she told me to give her my left hand.

once she touched my fourth finger(the one where u wear an engagement ring).

she asked me in a damn straight face.

lady says: are you depressed?

i swear, that wiped the smile off my face. clean clean.

then i was like. ehhhh. ya. though not really anymore.

lady says: why are you depressed?

dongdong mumbles: the usual.

lady says: whats yours is yours.

dongdong says: yeap. i know.

lady asks: do you feel anger?

dongdong says: nope. at myself, maybe.

lady asks: what was the reason for the parting?

dongdong says: it started with her parents. then, it became us. stopped trying.

lady says: do u hate her parents?

dongdong says: nope. -.-' (why the fuck everything hate hate hate?)

i dont know why. talking to her really made me feel a whole damn lot better.

it was like a knot in my heart. and she just untied it.

at her first question. are you depressed?

i was gonna cry. i swear. she is that magical.

then she told me to stop pursuing for it.

because it would only worsen everything. which i guess she's right.

then she went on about my education.

she told me i could do damn well, if i put my heart into it.

and she told me to pick up musical stuff.

she claimed. i was artistic. good with colors, and music.

i told her, yea i have a mold growing guitar at home.

then she asked me to go pick up lessons.

and. then. out of a sudden. -.-'

lady says: u have dental problem.

dongdong says: omg?! how u know?

lady says: by touching ur bones obviously.

true. i have a chip in my molar.

due to some hard hard thing in the food i ate long time ago.

and she asked me to fix it.

and that i wouldnt have to bother about my relationship problems.

she said. the right one will show up, one day.

and everything was to be.

it is just that whether i would make the best, or worse out of it.

that gave me alot of courage to move on.

really lah really. so im finally over it.

it was a precious memory. and i've torn it off the wall.

i did try. at least i tried. and im glad i did.

so as long as she was happy. i'll be happy.

she doesnt need me to stay. really.

she knows it, i know it.

falling in love was precious. with her.

and i've not regretted it one bit.

what was most regrettable though, was me being stubborn.

maybe love really doesnt have to be. nor needs to be.

i dont need to have her. as long as she's fine.

and i'll be ok. afterall, im well known to be flirtatious.

if she has found someone, please. bless her.

if she hasnt, still. please. bless her. =)))

yet another love story.

im not willing. to forget. why. why.

it wasnt her fault. neither was it me.

but in the end. we're still here.

just forget it.

love really does hurt.

it is, then.

she is putting it down soon.

i'd move on too.

she's beat. and tired. of all this.

my love has become a hindrance.

my blog song. really does suit this.

so. goodbye.

thanks. for everything.

this will be the last post. about you.

the last view i truly had of her.

was her. running down the flight of stairs. on a drizzling night.

hurray!

back from swimming alr. -.-' btw

do i really look gay or something?

went swimming with ah boo.

but the poor girl cant go into the water.

having menses. HAHAHAHA.

eh. sharks will come lah if she swims.

so she was sun-tanning and i was swimming.

then there was this two super hot hunks.

swear. super hot. -.- even i was like. wahhhhhhhh.

then one of them approached me and ask.

dude says: eh, are u oak?

dongdong says: -.-' errr. no. (why would i name myself after a tree?)

dude says: ahhh ok.

then for the rest of the day. ah boo told me they were looking at me. -.-

then they approached her and asked her for my name.

then after that. i was like. wtf alr.

so. -.- do i really look gay.

apparently.

HOHOHO.

im gonna be off for a swim again later.

ciaos.

she really has moved on.

im glad. yet sad.

i cant really describe what im feeling now.

i guess im contradicting too.

i guess that love she had, really is gone now.

but i'm still here. because like i said.

i will not, and cannot forget.

i feel like a part of me has gone missing.

but she said, moving on isnt a bad thing afterall.

i miss her. like fuck.

i wake up every morning. only to see her face when my eyes are close.

this terrible longing, i have for her.

yet i can never ever just tell her.

in simple words. i love u deep deep.

but this time. im drifting.

any kind hearted soul?

guys. i need help here. seriously need help.
anyone here dont mind adopting a stray dog?
i found it near my house's canal.
and i couldnt leave it alone.
ah boo spotted it first. -.-
then we sort of fed it with milk.
it was damn hungry i swear. heartache lah see the dog like that.
and i cant have it at home. due to some circumstances.

but i couldnt leave it alone at the canal either.

it was shivering, blah blah. and sleeping on the grass.

in the cold. anyone who is able to adopt it.

i cant bear to call SPCA either.

and i shudder to know what might happen to it,

if its left there unfed. and most importantly. some pervertic fugs.

please do call me. 91791491 it is supposedly a stray.

most probably new-born. no tag. no nothing.

so i've got the shoe box. some food, milk and water.

and left it outside my house.

anyone who is able to adopt it. please please please.

or if u guys know of anyone who wants a pet.

i hope it ends up in good hands.

it will most probably be there for approximately a week.

if nobody is adopting it. i would have to leave it back where i found it.

its a she dog btw. -.- i cant bring myself to say bitch lah.

it is brown. with black eyes.

roughly the size of 2 palm length.

i'll be feeding it for the 1 week.

remember T.T. 91791491. just gimme an sms. or a call.

if u cant adopt it. do help me pass the message on.

in ur blog. or sms ur frens. i dont care.

any way u can. pleaseeeee T.T just help this poor thing.

ehhhhhhh.

swam just now. and tan-ned.

some dude i swear. his tanning lotion is free.

he went like spray spray spray spray. and sadly. i was beside him.

then the wind abit strong somemore.

he is white. and he looked damn oily after he was done.

i was like. -.-' is he trying to roast himself? alive?

nothing much going on. jogging later at night. with ah boo.

i've made up my mind.

i've made up my mind.

i shall stick around.

be there when she needs me.

that'll be enough for me.

im happy. as long as she's happy.

so. at the end of the day. i really do love her.

yay! HAHA. i dno why. but i feel damn happy.

i dont have to be near her.

i just need to be there for her.

040408.

a day i'll forever remember. really.

the sprain.

YOOOO ppl. -.-v im back after a very long night.(and morning)

okieeee. i woke up at approximately. 8pm or something?

so i was kinda awake, hungry.

missed the timing for the med. -.-' ah but who cares.

ate the med again. without dinner though.

asked my parents not to buy mine. -.-'

then had this funny feeling around my stomach for the rest of the night.

baby got injured. a muscle pull on her left thigh.

so i wore my skates, and went down to clementi.

but didnt get to do what i intended to, in the end.

i felt alittle sad. because surprises arent meant to be discussed.

thats what i think. but she did things in my best interest.

i could have gotten myself killed.

literally.

so instead, got myself a small dinner. spicy mcnuggets.

skated around clementi.

was feeling alittle sad. but its ok. =D~

because, it seems so hard just to show care.

so basically, was finding someone to talk to instead of skating home.

with many cars. and a drowsy head.

met up with xinyi. ate my dinner, while she ate hers.

then the talk began to turn to me again.

i swear, i can hear her mind saying this.

xinyi says: wahhh, what wind blew u here? in skates somemore.

swear. i could hear her mind talking. HAHA.

well, it was just a small bag of sweets. and some letter.

though sad to say, i was unable to give it to her.

she's my chat buddy. i swear.

i can just pour everything out to her.

but she too gave me the same ultimatum.

xinyi says: do u love her?

dongdong says: er, no -.-' wtf obviously yes right?

xinyi says: then just stay where u are lah. afew years is nth to u right.

dongdong says: i dno leh. seriously. im afraid i'll turn into a bother to her.

sooner. or later.

xinyi asks: but does she really need you to protect her?

dongdong says: i think she has loads of people there for her.

dongdong says: i think its because. its beyond my ability to protect. that im feeling sad.

i guess it really is easy to say 'i love you.'

but it really is hard to do. because the fighting is not on my side.

i wished it was though. then i could face it alone, at the very least.

weilin told me the exact same thing.

weilin says: eh, if you really love her alot. it is hard to find.

dongdong says: uh huh. and then.

weilin says: so the love itself is important.

dongdong says: uh huh. yes.

weilin says: then continue to be there for her loh.

weilin says: eh. i endured the same situation, 2 years plus with my ex.

dongdong says: i would be there for her. if the problem itself wasnt me.

really. if only the problem itself wasnt me.

weilin says: but she's not giving u up mah. why not just forget everything

and start all over again?

she did push me away. after the break up.

she had thought about deceiving me.

to use lies to cover up lies.

that alone. showed how much she had cared for me.

she didnt want me to wait. and so called. waste my youth.

but fuck. i only know of this love. once. and it was like 6 years ago.

if i really walked away. i REALLY am wasting my youth.

but i chose to stay. because i know its really really hard.

for that feeling to come by again. maybe i am selfish. am i?

so basically, asked xinyi to go home at 1am.

cause at 1am there were lesser cars.

but fuck i was even more drowsy. and my contacts were drying.

so it was hard to see. i had to friggin keep blinking.

i think when your sleepy, ur lens dry up faster -.-' issit?

so went on home. then.

upon seeing the buddha statues. i felt like praying.

so i headed on down the path. only to pray at the entrance.

YES I KNOW ITS DUMB. but its closed.

i dont know why. cause if there really is a miracle.

i damn well need it now.

then there is this part of the road where there is no pavement yes?

somewhere between chevron and the buddhist temple.

my head. fucking chose a bad time to work up.

-.- isnt the medicine supposed to work or smth?

ears ringing. with no balance. then no fucking place to sit or something.

then theres this continuous amount of traffic.

felt an urge to call baby. but she was asleep.

at least her voice would be the last i hear.

if i was to be run down by traffic -.-'

so yea. better not bother her rest.

rang weilin up instead.

dongdong says: eh. later if u hear a bang. and no reply from me.

dial 995. and ask them to find a boy somewhere btwn chevron and clementi.

weilin says: huh? are u ok anot.

dongdong says: yes im fine -.-' just do that. what are u up to?

weilin says: camp. -.- they watching ghost movies. and my frens ps me for their bfs alr.

dongdong says: HAHAHA. go find a guy and hug him lah.

weilin says: yes. got guy beside me. but other side is empty.

dongdong says: -.- oooo. maybe got something sitting there.

ok that made her trip. HAHAHAHA.

weilin~ be my sister lah. then i can officially be calvin's brother. XD

then halfway, felt like going over to jassen's.

so i went over to his instead.

went over. and had a mini night urban.

only the 4 of us though.

me, wuhua, jassen, raymond.

i cant say its all fun. but it beats staying at home alone.

i guess i really needed company.

then the fuggin wuhua. started complain of legs ache.

we wanted to skate to boon lay actually.

but. -.- so. -.- in the end.

went back to jassen's. to play mahjong.

then at approximately 6.40am.

i went back home. screw the morning traffic.

upon arriving home.

my mum came to me.

mum says: eh. slept last night?

dongdong says: no, why?

mum says: dad sprained his back.

dongdong says: orh -.-' i know what to do alr.

father was bathing. so i waited for him to come out.

dongdong says: eh. i follow u go work ba.

dad says: okieeeee~(his voice was dancing i swear)

so i helped him rub his back. omg lah.

he pulled his pants down till his butt crack.

and his butt. is fucking white.

i was rubbing and thinking omg. so gay.

but its ok. his my dad afterall.

son sprained his neck.

father sprained his back.

i swear.

he really had problems sitting. and standing.

he couldnt sit for too long, nor stand too long.

so basically. i was dirty and tired.

but overall. i had to do something for him.

he has always been working hard for the family.

so i took it to myself to help him carry the pails of paint.

then. didnt have breakfast again.

i really dont feel hungry sometimes. and i dont know why.

-.-' has it something to do with brain malfunction or something?

then after going to buy medicine and pig's tail.

went to the workplace, carried the stuff up.

then left his workers to work.

while he sent me home. to boil medicine for him.

every 1 hour or so, i had to wake up and check the water level.

so basically. i slept at 10am. woke at 11. and so on.

till now. 3pm. so here i am. blogging. and beginning to feel hungry.

i feel like eating. sushi. with mayonaise. that someone was so proud of.

maybe. it would taste nice. i dont think the sushi will taste sour(mayonaise).

i think. it might be sweet.

read her blog. yeap. what is love.

i've no idea too. and what would i get in the end?

i wouldnt know too.

but i cant be bothered. with what was. and what will be.

i just know what is.

love is so hard to have. yet so beautiful to behold.

then again, i probably do not deserve to have it.

someone. hug me please. i really need a cuddle.

why indeed. is she holding on.

im not forcing her to go away. but i guess that point was not read.

instead. i feel that im the guilty soul of the torment on her.

she's trying so hard not to let me know. how much she is suffering.

she told me. i've lost the ability to find someone better already.

i hope. i really hope. i hadnt torn her life apart.

because i had always been trying to build it up.

it wasnt pity. i am sure. her life was much better than mine.

i just wanted her to have a good life. really. a really good life.

probably due to what i've done in the past. im afraid.

one day she would just say. ah fuck i cant take this anymore. bye.

but she stayed. maybe. because. she feels this love. is worth it.

i hope. but then again.

i dont see any messages. and her friends. are there for her.

opposing me. asking me not to stay with her. so should i really stay?

it was really simple. guy falls for girl. girl falls for guy. naturally.

nope. i didnt plan it either. though i worked hard.

and crawled my way to her heart. only to find myself tumbling down.

she cried. in chalet. because of the pain.

pain of me leaving her.

or pain of us holding on.

i do not know.

and hell no. im not glad of making her cry.

i never blamed her. not one bit.

for the breakup. for the things she had said before.

because i always always always know it was never her fault.

and it was beyond her limit to save this relationship.

then she told me. maybe if it was yn. i would continue this relationship.

that alone made me think. alot.

and she really is not what you guys think she is.

she's caring. in her own way.

she's loving. in her own way.

u just need to look at it closely. and u'll see.

sides of her she had not shown the world before. she's shown me.

she had let me into her heart. her secrets. her life.

but now. i stare at the frame on the wall. with the memo-es increasing.

one a day. to remind myself about her.

there really are so many things i want to do with her.

but. she had said. its quite impossible already. btwn me and her.

i felt down. totally. my heart had turned darker than dark.

my thoughts had turned wild. flickering like a flame.

but there was nothing i could say.

like she said. it takes 2 hands to clap. that theory i knew.

problem was. i was willing to clap. and now. i do not know if she love.

or loved.

i dont know if i should approach her anymore. despite what her friends said.

i did go overboard. with the picture. but the problem is.

i didnt mean it in anyway bad.

and yes even though i had stayed with them for 3 nights.

i was totally clean. and like i said.

i have not even touched her hand. nor a single strand of her hair.

but she didnt believe me. and i was tired of making it known to the world.

i too. have dignity. there would be a limit. where u could put me down.

and no. im not that cheap to run around hugging girls in the middle of the night.

sigh. im worried.

im worried. i see no reply.

and i received weird messages.

stayed up to wait for her message.

her last message was.

I love you baby...

i was like -.-' omg.

is she doing something stupid.

or is some dude making her do stupid things.

so with all the thoughts and imagination running wild.

but sigh. it is her freedom anyhow.

and she earned that play time.

was relieved to see a reply finally. at 9.40am

then i slept. till now.

dreamnt of having fondue. in some nice restaurant with her.

taking couple pictures.

-.- yay. thanks for adding salt to the wounds.

it is funny. when i finally found it.

there would be this price to pay.

when it finally goes like. OMG I finally fucking found you.

and it ends up like this.

but its ok. they all say time heals most wounds.

and right now, i miss her. once again. terribly.

alittle something. from a long time ago.

shhh, she didnt know.

hurray.

i just came home. phew.

and im tired. -.-'

went urban yesterday.

was lateeee. i think.

HAHAHA.

supposed to meet at 2pm.

but i was still at clementi. at 1.54pm.

fugging hell. and i slept off the wrong side of bed.

i swear. i cant turn my neck to the right.

to the left can lah. but must slow slow.

i had a feeling it'd break anytime.

and whenever i talk, it'll cramp or smth.

im wondering if its something to do with the med -.-'

or just purely that im sleeping off the wrong side of bed.

*arrives at City Hall*

i was going up the raffles link escalator. when suddenly.

sookyi yells: PATRICK!

dongdong suddenly turns to the right.

that earned me shuangness for the next 5 minutes.

slacked for abit at starbucks. while waiting for the rest to arrive.

zzzzz. and i thought i was late. shuwen even more zai.

then the urban began approximately 2.40pm.

i was practically laughing lah. wtf.

the group consisted more than 30 people i think.

imagine. 30 people on skates. at city hall.

worse of all. some of them dont know how to skate.

i stayed with the back of the group. incase someone fell behind.

and then. we skated to one place to take picture.

a statue of the 'Glorious Dead'

i went like. wtf? we're taking a picture with a monument?

of the DEAD somemore.

there it is. the photo with the Glorious Dead.

-.-' unbelievable yes? Joe picks that spot to take a picture.

btw. the picture's courtesy from Alexis.

yay~ check out my retarded face.

and. fuck i should have wore a singlet.

it was so fucking hot, i was spraying sweat.

as was the rest of the crew.

wenli however, looked like she just bathed.

then it was to Macdonald's~(i've not ate)

so we headed off to Marina Square.

HAHAHAHA. damn funny swear.

they called it the stairway to heaven.

LOL yes? if that really was the stairways to heaven. Amen.

i'd fucking willingly climb it lah. just grant me that one wish.

some of them are having problems. check it out.

the 3 people hand in hand are. ulfred, weilin, yi zhen.

ulfred happy right~ HAHAHAHA.

though i promised weilin to look after her backside.

but ulfred's doing a fine job in my stead.

weilin~ be my sista lah. i'll treat u good good.

alot of scandals going on in the skate group sia.

from what i heard. LOL.

it all started after the skate camp. unbelievable. -.-'

then while eating at Macdonald's.

i had a double cheeseburger. not meal~.

wasnt feeling REALLY that hungry.

so after finished my meal.

*looks at weilin, ulfred and yi zhen*

dongdong says: eh u 3 not hungry ah?

ulfred, yi zhen *shakes head*

dongdong says: -.- weilin leh?

weilin says: i hungry. but i feel damn stress u people watch me eat.

...... -.- wtf right?

dongdong says: what u wanna eat, i go buy for u ba. if not u'll waste food anyway.

-.- buy and fall down drop tray. HAHAHAHA.

*takes the money from weilin*

*looks at ulfred*

dongdong says: ulfred, do u love me and weilin?

weilin suddenly yells: he only love me 0.01% lah.

dongdong says: nvm, u love weilin can alr.

*passes ulfred the money*

HAHAHAHA. yesh lah. so ulfred loves me oso.

when the food arrives.

*opens my eyes and nosrils to stare at weilin eat*

HAHAHA STRESS RIGHT? stupid girl =.=.

then i started having a food war with the people next table.

*grabs weilin's fries and tosses at raymond*

xiaoyi yells: eh PATRICK, people in africa nothing to eat! u throw food!

*grabs fries and tosses at xiaoyi while he yells*

that shut him up. and caused the rest to laugh. HAHAHA.

she couldnt finish them anyway. -.- so its not really wasting.

they're just being put to good use before they enter the trash.

*takes a snipe shot at rudy*

that bugger was looking around for 2 minutes before realizing it was me.

swear. HAHAHAHA. then he went to grab the window cleaner's spray.

-.- and threaten me.

then i started putting fries on my lips and forced other guys to eat.

HAHAHAHA. was chasing ben around. -.- bugger. just come kiss me lah.

then went down the long slope at marina. to get off.

-.- was supporting weilin. then i fell myself. AT THE END OF THE SLOPE.

good game lah. then i sprained my neck even more.

while i talked i was moaning i swear.

dongdong speaks halfway.

dongdong whines.

dongdong winces in pain.

dongdong moans in pain.

dongdong yells in pain.

that was the continuous cycle for the rest of the day.

then my nose bled again. -.-'

think cause of the lj sun. too heaty alr.

it was fine though, after we went into the underground path.

then the dudes started doing funny things.

tada! the fellas were spreading their legs wide open in the middle of the place.

embarrassing lah swear. HAHAHA.

but they were actually learning windmill.

a breakdance move. damn cool i swear.

but when shown in slow motion. is very suggestive. LOL.

we were all laughing our asses off. which again.

triggered a pain in the neck. lj lah lj.

then after that was skatepark.

somerset~ tada!

the pandas went off for a movie at cineleisure.

while we were taking off our skates at long john silver.

we were approached by 2 buggers.

bugger says: hi, we're from an charity organisation for the recently earthquake country.

note: they were smoking before they approached us.

and they both looked no where near the word charitable to me.

bugger says: just $2 for a pen, and the money will go to the victims.

note: he was holding a clipboard. with only 1 piece of paper.

they were both not wearing any lan yards.

nor proof that they are from an organisation.

i declined the offer. -.- weilin u stupid girl.

she nearly took out the money to pay for it.

then the two buggers came back again.

bugger says: hey, were u taking a picture of us?

cause ulfred was on the phone with his dad previously.

sigh. i swear. fuggers around everywhere.

so basically i just took ulfred's phone.

dongdong says: eh dude, come here. i show u something.

1st bugger says: nah nvm its ok alr.

2nd bugger says: nvm i come.

really is nothing better to do. i swear.

if they really had wanted trouble -.-'

all i needed was a phone call, and the rest would come down from skate park.

watched kungfu panda.

crap lah. i purposely pick 2 seats for ulfred and weilin.

in the end yi zhen extra. go and take ulfred's seat.

HAHAHAHA. throughout the whole movie.

ulfred kept swapping drinks with weilin sia.

-.-' u so delighted to drink her saliva huh.

then headed back to skate park to meet the rest.

and headed over to raymond's house for mahjong.

the end.

ehhhh.

ok i got home yest. after going far east with beanie+baby.

im sooooo sorry sista =/

i didnt spend alot of time with u on ur bdae somemore.

went to starbucks. did some cards there.

it was all fine i guess. at least i know.

sigh. though it said. its not that we cant be together.

but the fact that there would be troublemakers, negative psycho-ing.

it was alright i guess.

but i guess in the end of the day, it was my fault.

maybe if i dont look the way i am. her parents wouldnt dislike me.

but then again. sigh. i want her. i need her. yet i cant have.

then went to shop around.

cabbed home with beanie and her.

sent her back to school. she had magnum.

then went back with beanie.

got home. slept. the medication's making me real drowsy.

woke up. ate a bread. and went back to sleep again.

then sista messaged me. while i was really really drowsy.

she went like. 'bludder, i cant stop crying.'

i expected things like that to happen again. but not right after her bdae.

her mum ringed me up. and i headed over.

it breaks my heart lah. to see people i care for cry.

so i headed over. and found her at the playground.

life's really unfair isnt it. when i look at junfeng and beanie.

they could be together, there were minor obstacles.

which you could easily go through, if u put ur heart into it.

yet. they're giving up so easily.

saw beanie crying. i felt so helpless.

i tried to comfort her as she wept. really comfort her.

but there was nothing much i could say. she was willing to give up everything.

the problem wasnt on her side. and i had to deal with it later.

messaged duckie. i knew he was crying too. and sad.

but then again. why bother breaking up sia.

just work it out. and everything will be fine.

duckie came over. talked with beanie.

and for some reason. it started raining. right at the time.

when baby arrived.

i was feeling really drowsy. had problems walking around.

but it was fine. the rain woke me up alittle.

then duckie arrived. and i chatted with him.

about victor.

dude. tell me. who is more important.

what makes u happy?

why bother breaking up and giving up when u dont want it at all?

i aint saying ur way of thinking is wrong.

i wish the world had more people like you.

but then again. it is naive.

what's done is done. u should cherish her.

if victor was really such a great friend you should keep.

why would he show jealousy and set a trap for u to step on?

think man. think. u think far. but not far enough.

stop making urself seem so small.

u matter alot to her. and she matters alot to us.

if she did something wrong. like got together with another guy.

u broke up with her, nothing wrong. im on ur side.

but for a friend who isnt really such a friend.

he isnt ur cock sucking buddy, he isnt the one who cries with u.

why bother?

u know it took u 19 years to find a girl who can give u the feeling as the first.

why give up on a present when the gods placed it at ur doorstep?

u've wasted most of ur life, wandering and finding the right girl.

now u've found her. the exact same one. to give u butterflies in the stomach.

to make u forgo food, when u miss her.

dont throw it away now. u never know how long more it'll take u to find another.

i wished as hell i was in ur situation.

but eventually, my situation previously was the same as yours.

dont give up. and i wish the both of u all the best.

i guess saying how much i love her doesnt matter anymore.

she's fighting harder than me.

getting humiliated more than me.

eventually i wouldnt know. because all i could do was pray.

beanie. u crying. reminded me about how i hugged her while she cried.

in the end of the day, i guess i talked duckie around.

just look at things logically. and with a coolhead. u'll be fine.

u cant make the whole world happy dude. u're not that great.

but u can make people around you happy. at least die trying.

i've kept this all the while. when i was still with her.

just that word on her blog. made me happy.

its funny. when i can solve problems of others.

i cant handle my own.