the sprain.

YOOOO ppl. -.-v im back after a very long night.(and morning)

okieeee. i woke up at approximately. 8pm or something?

so i was kinda awake, hungry.

missed the timing for the med. -.-' ah but who cares.

ate the med again. without dinner though.

asked my parents not to buy mine. -.-'

then had this funny feeling around my stomach for the rest of the night.

baby got injured. a muscle pull on her left thigh.

so i wore my skates, and went down to clementi.

but didnt get to do what i intended to, in the end.

i felt alittle sad. because surprises arent meant to be discussed.

thats what i think. but she did things in my best interest.

i could have gotten myself killed.

literally.

so instead, got myself a small dinner. spicy mcnuggets.

skated around clementi.

was feeling alittle sad. but its ok. =D~

because, it seems so hard just to show care.

so basically, was finding someone to talk to instead of skating home.

with many cars. and a drowsy head.

met up with xinyi. ate my dinner, while she ate hers.

then the talk began to turn to me again.

i swear, i can hear her mind saying this.

xinyi says: wahhh, what wind blew u here? in skates somemore.

swear. i could hear her mind talking. HAHA.

well, it was just a small bag of sweets. and some letter.

though sad to say, i was unable to give it to her.

she's my chat buddy. i swear.

i can just pour everything out to her.

but she too gave me the same ultimatum.

xinyi says: do u love her?

dongdong says: er, no -.-' wtf obviously yes right?

xinyi says: then just stay where u are lah. afew years is nth to u right.

dongdong says: i dno leh. seriously. im afraid i'll turn into a bother to her.

sooner. or later.

xinyi asks: but does she really need you to protect her?

dongdong says: i think she has loads of people there for her.

dongdong says: i think its because. its beyond my ability to protect. that im feeling sad.

i guess it really is easy to say 'i love you.'

but it really is hard to do. because the fighting is not on my side.

i wished it was though. then i could face it alone, at the very least.

weilin told me the exact same thing.

weilin says: eh, if you really love her alot. it is hard to find.

dongdong says: uh huh. and then.

weilin says: so the love itself is important.

dongdong says: uh huh. yes.

weilin says: then continue to be there for her loh.

weilin says: eh. i endured the same situation, 2 years plus with my ex.

dongdong says: i would be there for her. if the problem itself wasnt me.

really. if only the problem itself wasnt me.

weilin says: but she's not giving u up mah. why not just forget everything

and start all over again?

she did push me away. after the break up.

she had thought about deceiving me.

to use lies to cover up lies.

that alone. showed how much she had cared for me.

she didnt want me to wait. and so called. waste my youth.

but fuck. i only know of this love. once. and it was like 6 years ago.

if i really walked away. i REALLY am wasting my youth.

but i chose to stay. because i know its really really hard.

for that feeling to come by again. maybe i am selfish. am i?

so basically, asked xinyi to go home at 1am.

cause at 1am there were lesser cars.

but fuck i was even more drowsy. and my contacts were drying.

so it was hard to see. i had to friggin keep blinking.

i think when your sleepy, ur lens dry up faster -.-' issit?

so went on home. then.

upon seeing the buddha statues. i felt like praying.

so i headed on down the path. only to pray at the entrance.

YES I KNOW ITS DUMB. but its closed.

i dont know why. cause if there really is a miracle.

i damn well need it now.

then there is this part of the road where there is no pavement yes?

somewhere between chevron and the buddhist temple.

my head. fucking chose a bad time to work up.

-.- isnt the medicine supposed to work or smth?

ears ringing. with no balance. then no fucking place to sit or something.

then theres this continuous amount of traffic.

felt an urge to call baby. but she was asleep.

at least her voice would be the last i hear.

if i was to be run down by traffic -.-'

so yea. better not bother her rest.

rang weilin up instead.

dongdong says: eh. later if u hear a bang. and no reply from me.

dial 995. and ask them to find a boy somewhere btwn chevron and clementi.

weilin says: huh? are u ok anot.

dongdong says: yes im fine -.-' just do that. what are u up to?

weilin says: camp. -.- they watching ghost movies. and my frens ps me for their bfs alr.

dongdong says: HAHAHA. go find a guy and hug him lah.

weilin says: yes. got guy beside me. but other side is empty.

dongdong says: -.- oooo. maybe got something sitting there.

ok that made her trip. HAHAHAHA.

weilin~ be my sister lah. then i can officially be calvin's brother. XD

then halfway, felt like going over to jassen's.

so i went over to his instead.

went over. and had a mini night urban.

only the 4 of us though.

me, wuhua, jassen, raymond.

i cant say its all fun. but it beats staying at home alone.

i guess i really needed company.

then the fuggin wuhua. started complain of legs ache.

we wanted to skate to boon lay actually.

but. -.- so. -.- in the end.

went back to jassen's. to play mahjong.

then at approximately 6.40am.

i went back home. screw the morning traffic.

upon arriving home.

my mum came to me.

mum says: eh. slept last night?

dongdong says: no, why?

mum says: dad sprained his back.

dongdong says: orh -.-' i know what to do alr.

father was bathing. so i waited for him to come out.

dongdong says: eh. i follow u go work ba.

dad says: okieeeee~(his voice was dancing i swear)

so i helped him rub his back. omg lah.

he pulled his pants down till his butt crack.

and his butt. is fucking white.

i was rubbing and thinking omg. so gay.

but its ok. his my dad afterall.

son sprained his neck.

father sprained his back.

i swear.

he really had problems sitting. and standing.

he couldnt sit for too long, nor stand too long.

so basically. i was dirty and tired.

but overall. i had to do something for him.

he has always been working hard for the family.

so i took it to myself to help him carry the pails of paint.

then. didnt have breakfast again.

i really dont feel hungry sometimes. and i dont know why.

-.-' has it something to do with brain malfunction or something?

then after going to buy medicine and pig's tail.

went to the workplace, carried the stuff up.

then left his workers to work.

while he sent me home. to boil medicine for him.

every 1 hour or so, i had to wake up and check the water level.

so basically. i slept at 10am. woke at 11. and so on.

till now. 3pm. so here i am. blogging. and beginning to feel hungry.

i feel like eating. sushi. with mayonaise. that someone was so proud of.

maybe. it would taste nice. i dont think the sushi will taste sour(mayonaise).

i think. it might be sweet.

read her blog. yeap. what is love.

i've no idea too. and what would i get in the end?

i wouldnt know too.

but i cant be bothered. with what was. and what will be.

i just know what is.

love is so hard to have. yet so beautiful to behold.

then again, i probably do not deserve to have it.

someone. hug me please. i really need a cuddle.

why indeed. is she holding on.

im not forcing her to go away. but i guess that point was not read.

instead. i feel that im the guilty soul of the torment on her.

she's trying so hard not to let me know. how much she is suffering.

she told me. i've lost the ability to find someone better already.

i hope. i really hope. i hadnt torn her life apart.

because i had always been trying to build it up.

it wasnt pity. i am sure. her life was much better than mine.

i just wanted her to have a good life. really. a really good life.

probably due to what i've done in the past. im afraid.

one day she would just say. ah fuck i cant take this anymore. bye.

but she stayed. maybe. because. she feels this love. is worth it.

i hope. but then again.

i dont see any messages. and her friends. are there for her.

opposing me. asking me not to stay with her. so should i really stay?

it was really simple. guy falls for girl. girl falls for guy. naturally.

nope. i didnt plan it either. though i worked hard.

and crawled my way to her heart. only to find myself tumbling down.

she cried. in chalet. because of the pain.

pain of me leaving her.

or pain of us holding on.

i do not know.

and hell no. im not glad of making her cry.

i never blamed her. not one bit.

for the breakup. for the things she had said before.

because i always always always know it was never her fault.

and it was beyond her limit to save this relationship.

then she told me. maybe if it was yn. i would continue this relationship.

that alone made me think. alot.

and she really is not what you guys think she is.

she's caring. in her own way.

she's loving. in her own way.

u just need to look at it closely. and u'll see.

sides of her she had not shown the world before. she's shown me.

she had let me into her heart. her secrets. her life.

but now. i stare at the frame on the wall. with the memo-es increasing.

one a day. to remind myself about her.

there really are so many things i want to do with her.

but. she had said. its quite impossible already. btwn me and her.

i felt down. totally. my heart had turned darker than dark.

my thoughts had turned wild. flickering like a flame.

but there was nothing i could say.

like she said. it takes 2 hands to clap. that theory i knew.

problem was. i was willing to clap. and now. i do not know if she love.

or loved.

i dont know if i should approach her anymore. despite what her friends said.

i did go overboard. with the picture. but the problem is.

i didnt mean it in anyway bad.

and yes even though i had stayed with them for 3 nights.

i was totally clean. and like i said.

i have not even touched her hand. nor a single strand of her hair.

but she didnt believe me. and i was tired of making it known to the world.

i too. have dignity. there would be a limit. where u could put me down.

and no. im not that cheap to run around hugging girls in the middle of the night.