vintage point.

ehhhh. im trying to make it a point to write every weekends.
damn guai can. -.-'
so that i hope that my days arent wasted without at least written memories.

anyhow. it's quite a sucky weekend.
-.-' booking out on sunday and booking back in on the same day.
AGONY can?
nevertheless. i am spamming macdonalds now.
HAHAHA. and at the same time praying i wont turn fat.
but i've got off in due.(meaning they'll repay me my weekend)
-.- so somehow. im booking out friday afternoon.
sorry beanie~ T.T
though i promised to meet every friday.
but still. -.-' i cant help it if they need me to stay back.
never mind, at least get to see u and jiaqi today lah huh.

somehow, i feel like writing a small story.
-.-' i dno why. just a story.
perhaps i've just been having too much thoughts bout things.
and somewhere they need to go.
maybe both on romance and life.
and i need a friggin camera.

oh yea.
and im still praying for a miracle.
for my brother.
though. its not going to be easy.
many thanks to those whom showed concern.
i'm always trying to be there for others.
but for once.
i felt the presence of others beside me.
and helping.

finding my way back to where i was.
it wasn't easy.
but i'm done with my past.
i'll walk onward. and never look back.
the change of heart.

i found out.

the saddest and most helpless thing in life.
is not losing ur girlfriend.
not losing all of ur money.
but watching ur mother cry.
yet u cant find comforting words for her.
and u cant cry.
because u have to be strong.
not to be a burden to anyone.
i'm tired. really fucking tired.

i finally know.

i finally know what my dream was about.
and it isnt about u. nor me.
its about my family.
and now i am wishing. it was me instead.
the results came.
he has 3 years or so left.

someone. help me. i really wanna cry now.
why does bad things always happen on the 24th?

walk through the hurricane.

ever made a decision that u regretted?
tons of times.
in my life, i wish i'd not done things that i did.
but then again. i already did.
knowing myself, i'll pick myself up and move on pretty quickly.
a point i'm always trying to change. but nevertheless.
which i promise myself. to start today.

the things we're after seems to be different now.
so we're drifting.
then. i'm glad u sounded happy on the phone. (:
because all the while. i've been trying to tell u.
yet i can never find the words.
i feel like a hypocrite.
because i cant tell u how i feel.

thank you for everything.

saturday.

last two days spent civilian-ishly.
then i'm back off to camp.
many thanks to those who accompanied me.

ANYHOW!
i spent my whole day rotting at joe's yesterday.
yes. literally the whole day.
the bad thing is.
i had a dream.
but i cant remember.
i only remember myself crying.
-.- yes. literally crying.
BUT I CANT REMEMBER.
WTF.
yes. i woke up with gooey tears all around my eyes.
ewww.
and i think i soaked joe's pillow.
HAHAHAHA.
opps joe.

anyway. tomorrow's outing day.
meeting up with aung.
then i'm heading to meet my ex polymates for dinner.
errrr. then after that. i was supposed to go for the astrology camp thingy.
butttt! in the end they're going for a nightwalk.
-.-' so michele. next time okay?

sunday would be with beanie!
like finally.
we're gonna go shop. and catch up alittle.

i hope. really hope. that dream wasnt about u.
and was about me.

now and always.

ahhh people i'm back.
yes -.-' spent my last 2 days with feifei and joe.
nevertheless. monday i went to school.
with the sheer determination and perseverance for gym.
but. i ended up in feifei's house for mahjong instead.
DUE to the many pleads from joe himself.
so we had mahjong. then rudy came along. and sam.
then off to play number ball.
i swear. -.-' i spent the whole night laughing.
joe playing snooker with his specs on.
his facial expression. PRICELESS.

then we were talking about the massage parlor experience i had.
yea. traumatizing i swear.
at least to me. =.= i've nvr had a girl forcefully tear off my pants before.
it happened on a night's out.
so my frens dragged me along.
their way of cheering me up.
theres this super grand massage parlor. (my frens swore to me it was clean)
actually. i think the main reason they dragged me there.
was because it is usually $60 per person.
but if u have 5 people in a group. it'd be $40 each.
the exterior design was super grand.(clean parlor. check)
friendly and well dressed staff.(clean parlor confirmed)
it is located somewhere near jurong bird park.(not near geylang. clean check)
then i agreed to go in.
lord. help me.
once i was given the robe and 'boxers'.
i felt like going home already.
its all friggin pink.
including the towel.
but the facilities are nice. swear.
endless time limit of jacuzzi, sauna, free flow drinks/food, movie theatre.
basically, the $40 is for the 45 minutes massage.
-.-' but i think the story ends here.
its kinda hideous to post it online. zzzz.

anyhow! wednesday.
finally went to the gym with rudy.
alumni. alittle memory devouring session went on there.
then went to makan place.
i suddenly feel so old.
patrick: eh michele. -.-' do i look old?
michele: heh? no lah~ u dont even look 22.
yay. happy-ded.
then went off to westmall to catch angels&demons.
joe suggests that i go back to skate tomorrow.
since i've nothing to do.
errr. -.-' but i think i cannot find my skates. somehow.
HAHAHA.
anyway. there'll be so many new people.
so i'm gonna look so god damned lost i swear.
then u'll see me hugging onto joe for dear life.
anyhow. i'm off~

now and always. (:

engulfed.

being here. brings back alot.
more than overwhelming.
perhaps its all about the shared memories.
i realize that in life, nothing is constant.
only change is.
i'll embrace today, like it will be everyday.
it was your choice.
but the burden we'll share.
i thank you. for everything u've given.
and for everything i had.

the fray.

yay.
i'm home again people!
this time. for a whole week.
yes people. another 11 days off.
WOOT!
nothing much for it though.
i'd most likely be spending them outside. or going to the gym.
spent another enjoyable day yesterday again. (:
note: day and not the night.
HAHAHA.
i spent my night at the void deck please.
how do u call that enjoyable.

nothing much for now.
though i'm heading out later.

tahw i dluow evig tsuj ot ees ruoy ecaf.

the beautifully imperfect her.

YAY.

met up with weilin and joe at first.

then spent the day at coffee bean.

not bad. actually. even though we've been doing nothing.

but i feel slightly more alive again.

perhaps i just wasnt looking hard enough.

because somehow. i feel like the old me again.

had fun teasing weilin.

then.

dinner at swensen's.

my treat. (includes joe, i dno why.) HAHAHA j/k

-.- yes i know i've owned u for half a year already weilin.

debt cleared.

sigh. a pity i do not have a camera phone.

finally caught wolverine. like finally.

HAHAHA.

with joe. and amelia.

tomorrow is mother's day.

speaking of which. amelia's turning into a mother.

-.- scary. in a way.

how others change so fast.

lunch tomorrow with my family.

though my dad wouldnt be free.

im bringing joe!

well. sort of like.

i treat him as part of my family too.

because he is.

thats what i think.

besides. it'd be good if he could treat my mum like his.

i was there when his mother passed away.

well. i sort of saw the process. more like.

i think.

nah it wont be weird dude.

just come along.

i dno why. but i feel better.

maybe its due to the jog early in the morning.

-.-' yes people. i know u're feeling surprised.

me too.

suddenly. i feel like doing alot of things.

should i get a driving license? =/

like maybe schedule the lessons on saturdays.

then i'm gonna go on a holiday. like real soon.

most probably just gonna grab a random someone.

-.-' brother? cmi. mother. maybe. lover. definitely. joe? only if he has the money.

anyhow. tomorrow's gonna be meaningful day.

note: if it all goes well. and joe can wake up.

btw. i'm getting a jab tomorrow.

-.-' a vaccination of some sort.

no. not for rabies. im not contracted.

no. not for AIDS either. theres no cure to that.

but yea. for STDs. -.-'

my mother said: just incase.

$200 for a jab. wtf.

needles. im so excited.

sigh.

its the 10th. i wish u would be here.

at least. with my family tomorrow.

u were beautifully imperfect.

funny. because it is all the small things that i remember.

every little detail.

how u used to whine when i rouse u from sleep.

how u'd smile when i appear outside your house.

how i'd try doing small little things just to cheer u up.

then time stops.

and now i cant fall asleep.

the choice.

opps.

mother's day is coming.
errr.
-.-' what to get.
nah nvm. i'll decide tomorrow.
*comes home*
dad says: eh. u look so nua.
*pats myself*
pat says: O.O where!?
yea. -.- awesome randomness on the car.
oh yea. and we changed our vehicle.
so theres basically. a van. and a family car in our house now.
zzzz. i don't know where that came from.

anyhow. i've been round and about nowadays.
in camp. again.
not exactly lifeless.
but somehow. it just seems alittle less enjoyable than it was in the past.
in a way.
they said i'm having meno pause. =.=
up and down moods.
one moment i'll be high and laughing like mad.
next minute i'll be sitting there quietly.
i'm not snobbish and ignoring u guys lah. wtf.
i'm just deep in thought.
about what to do for my future.
and where i'm headed to tomorrow.
i've to keep myself busy. though its nearly impossible on weekends.
but im trying.

had bbq today.
so quickly time passes.
and its gonna be my POP again.
well. really. fast.
in a way.
another way however. it feels so long sometimes.

anyhow. its time for me to get a move on again.
at least. back to where the sun is.
no. not emo-ing.
just self reflecting.
just felt that i've wasted enough time.
and that its time to wake up.

make a choice. between what is right. and what is easy.
what is right today. may seem wrong tomorrow.
every night every night.
i still run the memories over and over in my head.

puzzle.

Before.


After.

AHHHHHHH.
i've got a wasted weekend on my hands.
though im literally content with staying at home.
but still. =.= i'm at a lost to what to do on weekends.
but its okay! i'll figure some hobby out soon.

its funny when i seem to have entered another stage of life, unwillingly.
some sort of vortex which sucked me in.
leaving behind my friends, my old self and my life.
a life which nobody would understand.
even if u did bother to explain.
this two years. isnt my time. nor its my choice.
but i'd never regret the time spent there.
things i've learnt. people i've seen. experience i've got.
basically. i can say that its the most meaningful thing i've done with my life.
yes. i know people would say i'm crazy.
they would all wanna. 'serve and fuck off.'
but the thing is.
i've done nothing with my life up till now.
to me. this is meaningful.
it's just about how you look at things.
so i'm gonna suck it up. like a man. XD

kexin~ cheer up yes? (:
it isn't that tough.
and nah. its not his decision.
its the both of you.
but u chose to leave the decision in his hands. thats all.

every piece of puzzle that does not fit.
gets you closer to the ones that do.
i still wish you the best in whatever you do.