i knew it was coming. what i had dream of last night.
i knew something was wrong. the disappointment in her eyes.
something i could not grasp. but i knew it was there.
the silence she had kept. then the words that came out. from her. her lips.
i had made her lose a friend. she had said.
i am going to make her lose another. she had said.
i had been prepared. when we had told the world. she was not.
the spears. that lanced into me. icicles. the pain. unbearable.
at the flick of her wrist. she had shook off my hand.
the only sentence that came after that was. i need to go.
we had compromised. to have a talk. whenever issues appeared.
i tried. she didnt listen. either that. or it didnt stay there.
she did not get my meanings. neither did she grasp my intention.
it felt like i was the only one at fault. and she was the only one who lost something.
i had sworn myself off the tears. at the age of 17. and sworn never to cry again.
i had tried to piece her life together. she took it as i was tearing it asunder.
she said i was losing it. i don't know if i was doing the right things.
but i was sure. i had the right intentions. i wanna pull them closer.
so that. so that. in the thought of me gone. there would be someone else with her.
she wouldnt be lonely. i would bear the pain. she does not understand.
i am not a shadow of her past. i wanna be the candle in the dark.
she didnt doubt my love. she had claimed.
why then. would i tear my loved ones life asunder. does it make sense?
if she hadnt doubted it. it wouldnt be. as she thought.
i took to running. away from the storm. for the night. was very long.
i seeked shelter. under the stars and moon.
within the smoke i had found tranquility. she had hurt me.
im going to stop. i had healed her. and inflicted the scars on myself.
then. i cried.
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