wahahahaha. yes ppl im here to blog.
due to the failure of meeting bwenda today -.- im stuck at home.
anyways, at least im jogging with xinyi later.
so rather, feeling much better.
thanks lah thanks. for accompanying me when im bored.
ah boo~ i know u're reading this. happy right happy.
LOL.
then maybe i'd spend the night with her under the stars.
it'd be fun though, we've not done that for a pretty long time.
and ive not done that for a long time either.
no complains. bwenda's busy with her life.
though i try to make the effort to meet her.
it always ends up failing.
i guess it is the way it is.
at least i'm still gonna enjoy myself tonight. so its ok.
as long as its not a day wasted. -.-'
was supposed to go suntan today. but then again.
zzzz. now oso no sun.
it really feels good. to just lie down at the wave pool.
chatting, making fun, having fun itself.
i feel empty.
the touch.
the promise.
the love.
i miss her. badly.
yet it seems so hard to meet up.
i dont have the chance to tell her i love her.
nor the chance to hold her tight and say u're mine.
soon it'll overwhelm me. and i might end up in a pool of tears.
but then again, i cant really cry. i suck at it. LOL.
my tear ducts are dry. really. i think i've wept too much this life.
since a child. till now.
i remember myself, crying for the entire funeral.
like. 5 days? for my great grandmother.
she'd spank my butt after she baths me.
she'd hug me and tell me im a wonderful child. regardless of what others say.
she'd kiss me on the forehead.
i'd sit behind her ontop a couch.
i think thats where i got the 'kissing forehead' craves.
LOL.
cause i think. thats the best way to say. i love.
then. the endless tears on jacqueline's.
i remember them vaguely. even till now.
the endless nights at her void deck.
intoxicating myself with booze to make the pain go away.
nobody exactly knew what happened.
it just happened. really.
oh well, when they have to go, they have to go.
im neither glad nor sad that things are going this way now.
we're drifting apart, no matter how hard we try to deny it.
things are different now. u just have to see. the time we spend.
arent as much as the past.
soon i'll be spending time on my side.
and soon. things will change. dramatically.
not that i want it. i dont want it.
because. it'll be losing her.
then. it'll be losing everything.
but. i'll also be gaining something else.
oh well, at least i've tonight to look forward to.
for today.
and tomorrow.
and the day after.
but. sadly. its no longer her.
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